April O'Neil: Journal of our Journey
by JTH
Summary: April's journal entries during the team's time at the farmhouse. Journal entries meant to bridge each episode from Season 3 of 2K12 TMNT Series during their stay in Northampton.
1. The Invasion --- Within the Woods

_Hey guys. JTH here and I'm going to write something a little unique, little quick chapters and reads. Not sure how this will turn out, but fortune favors the bold right? Everyone who saw the Season 3 premiere of the new Nick show remembers the opening intro where April narrated the events of their time at the farmhouse to date. I decided to do the same thing, this will basically be April's journal entries after each episode while they're at the farmhouse, to bridge one episode to the next. This first entry will take place before Within the Woods though, so this is basically "the intro to the intro". again don't how this will come out and may not be for everyone. But we'll see. As always, TMNT does not belong to me and all said rights go to their respective owners._

**_April O'Neil: Journal of our Journey_**

**The Beginning**

**_We're on the road and on the run, in my dad's old van. Heading to my family's old farmhouse to escape New York City, The Shredder, and The Kraang. This is my journal to record all data and information we obtain during our get away._**

**_This is our story..._**

**_During our journey and time at the farmhouse, I plan to keep all my friends logged in my journal. Making sure I know how everyone is handling the situation, see how they're progressing. It'll be tough, no question. But we're a team, we're a family. And during our biggest time of crisis, this is when we need to stay together. Continuing to fight for each other...our friends...our brothers._**

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><p><strong><em>Leonardo - Stay With Us...<em>**

**_To say that Leonardo is in bad shape, would be an understatment. Everyone is worried about his well-being, his health. Will he be okay? Will he ever be the same again?_**

**_I wish I knew..._**

**_Raphael, Michelangelo, and Donatello are doing everything they can to keep him alive until we can get to the farmhouse. Whenever they keep an eye on their eldest brother, no words are spoken. It's hard to watch whenever I peak my head behind into the back of the van to see all their faces, makes me wish I stop doing it. But I'm too worried about Leo to stop, I fear that he's dying, and we may be too late. _**

**_Hold on Leo, please stay with us. You're going to be alright._**

**_I hope... :(_**

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><p><strong><em>Raphael - Staying Strong<em>**

**_Raph is doing everything he can to stay strong for his younger brothers. But I know it's hard for him, for someone who wears his emotions on his sleeve. He'll try to remain calm, I know he will...I trust he will. Mikey has been under his arm ever since we left the city limits, and Raph has kept him there as a sign of comfort. He keeps assuring Donatello that he did nothing wrong, that he did everything he could. That is whenever Donnie is not distracted with checking on Leo to listen to him, even though I don't believe Donatello is listening anyway. But Raph keeps trying, he's persistent. It is one of the few times where being that way is a positive. _**

**_Raph is growing up before my eyes. Keep doing what you're doing. _**

**_Stay strong Raphael_****_... :)_**

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><p><strong><em>Michelangelo - I Feel Your Pain Mikey...<em>**

**_I feel so terrible for Michelangelo, he saw his sensei, his "father", disappear before his eyes. I feel your pain Mikey...I know exactly what you're going through. For the past year, I've lost my dad more times than I can count. But I'll remember what you did for your older brother Raphael. You hugged him hard. You calmed his rage._**

**_I'm so proud of you Mikey._**

**_I can't lie. When you're not acting goofy, you're really brave._**

**_Just don't act goofy all the time. Okay Mikey? :)_**

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><p><strong><em>Donatello - Never Lose Hope Donatello<em>**

**_Donnie..._**

**_I don't even know where to start..._**

**_Donatello has pinned this entire avalanche of events and emotions on himself. He blames himself for everything...the invasion, Leo, our defeat, ...everything. Nothing we say makes him think otherwise. But it's not your fault Donnie, it's not! Nothing that's happened is, please understand that Donatello._**

**_I feel I caused as much pain to him as anything else that happened._**

**_Back at the apartment, he was about to tell me something, something I knew he had wanted to say for a long time. But I stopped him. I may regret what I did later in my life...but not right now. He wouldn't understand, no one would._**

**_Donatello became the leader when we got seperated from Leonardo. But him telling me how he felt at that point in time, was a mistake. That was a sign of giving up, like he knew we were all going to die, that there was no hope left. So I stopped him...I'm sorry Donnie but I had no choice. When I hugged Casey in front of you, I needed you to realize that you had to focus on the matter at hand, to lead us all to saftey. It may not have been right, but I know it worked._**

**_But don't give up Donnie, I know you'll have another chance to tell me how you feel one day. And hopefully you'll feel happy when you do. Confessing one's feelings should occur when you can cherish it, not to be wasted on a time of crisis._**

**_So keep trying._**

**_Never lose hope Donatello..._**

**_I believe in you. :)_**

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><p><strong><em>Casey - Questions...<em>**

**_Casey continues to drive through the moonlight on the highway as we continue to get away as quickly as we can. Never in my life has a main road in New York ever looked so empty and deserted. For the longest time, I rested my head on his arm. Casey continued to stare out the windshield like a zombie, showing little to no responce to my closeness. It shows how rattled he is, and Casey is one to not be very often._**

**_Will Casey be okay?_**

**_Will I be okay if he's not?_**

**_How will be able to be comforted by Jones if he feels worse than I do?_**

**_There's a billion questions and zero answers. But Casey is a hockey player...born and raised. He learned it from his dad; he's a tough, stubborn guy who won't go down without a fight. I just wonder how much fight he has right now?_**

**_...I have to stop asking questions... :(_**

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><p><strong><em>April - The Healing Has Begun<em>**

**_By the time I record this, we've since arrived at the farmhouse. We've been here for two days now. We've gotten Leonardo taken care of in the upstairs bathroom to allow him to recover in our tub. Everyone is starting to make themselves feel at home and get as comfortable as they can be. But it's a struggle for the Turtles. It is very clear they will have a hard time adapting to this new enviorment in the wilderness. Living on the surface 24/7._**

**_I can tell they're homesick, I'm homesick and this is my home. But all we can do is look ahead. Just by doing that, the healing has begun. Little by little, we'll get back on our feet and our wounds will go away._**

**_It's always been said that you as a person or a team is more defined how you react to defeat than in victory. As a person who doesn't watch or care for sports all that much, I never understood that saying...but I do now. I agree with it 100%. These trying times will bring us together stronger than ever, and our friends and family will be there for us more than ever. We have to try and forget the past and focus on how to help the present to fix the future. I know this, but one thing will be certain..._**

**_I'll never forget the night we left New York City..._**

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><p><em>So what do you think? Let me know, any thoughts or comments are welcome. Until next time, thanks for reading. :)<em>


	2. Within the Woods --- A Foot Too Big

_The following journal entry takes place between the episodes "Within the Woods" and "A Foot Too Big". All rights of Ninja Turtles go to their respective owners._

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><p><span><strong><em>April O'Neil: Journal of our Journey<em>**

_**After over three months of peaceful and yet melancholy quiet, we finally got back on our feet. Too bad it took a lot of chaos and insanity to accomplish it. It has taken nearly two days for me to put these events that occured from mind to paper, and even now as I write, my hand shakes of fear from what we encountered. But we as a team pulled through and are moving on.**_

_**Our journey continues...**_

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><p><em><strong>Leonardo - Back by our Side<strong>_

_**Leo has barely been up and around for a day now. He's still badly hurt, his voice has changed and it's almost cringing to know your friend will more than likely never sound the same again thanks to the hands of your enemies.**_

_**They will pay for what they did to you Leo...**_

_**But even in the time he has awoken, he's already come to all our aids. Barely able to walk...and he helped us stop this hidious mutant made from the ground. I can't imagine anyone being any more brave and heroic. He's out training with Raphael as I write this. Getting stronger with each passing day. And becoming a better leader and brother every day also.**_

_**We still have a long way to go, but with Leo now back by our side, I know we'll take back New York City soon. :)**_

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><p><em><strong>Raphael - Back to Full Strength<strong>_

_**Speaking of being up and around, Raphael has finally gotten his strength back to train in full again after what happened two nights ago. Just like when Raph helped Leo to shake the rust off his injuries, Leo now returns the gesture. I don't know what happened to Raph at the hands of that creep, but I'm glad he's alright now. We were all literally scared for him. Casey spent all day yesterday talking to Raph, all of which involved none of their usual banter; that's when you know Casey is shaken.**_

_**But Raph insists that we forget all about what happened. Trust me Raph, I'm trying.**_

_**Hopefully we won't have to deal with anymore mind racing events like that...but knowing our lives...something will probably happen again tomorrow. :\**_

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><p><em><strong>Michelangelo - "Blessing"<strong>_

_**Mikey is in the living room watching his new cartoon show right now. I'm just glad he's okay. Raphael's condition really messed with him that first day, but he's fine now and it's a good sight to see.**_

_**Michelangelo is so unique. There are times when you think what he does would be beyond annoying, but it turns out to be a blessing, especially on those days where you wish you were just left alone. But since we've been here, Mikey has made giggle and laugh on days I didn't think I could even crack a smile. He's so pure of heart, it's hard to be upset with him...well maybe not for a long time I mean. :)**_

_**Sometimes deep down, Mikey makes me wonder if the name "Michelangelo" is Italian for "blessing", because you are indeed that Mikey.**_

_**You are indeed. ;)**_

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><p><em><strong>Donatello - "King Midus"<strong>_

_**Just when I thought Donatello couldn't be anymore amazing, he one-ups himself. Again. He saved Raphael from whatever infected him at the hands of that monster. Donnie spent over four hours non-stop to save him, and he did. Then he spent another two or so studying the creep who's contents remained in a glass jar.**_

_**It seemed impossible what he was able to do...but there is no such thing as "impossible". Not when Donnie's here.**_

_**The rest of us went sleep when we knew Raph was cured and going to be alright, Donnie didn't sleep though. He wanted to make sure this never happened again. So who knows how long he stayed awake. Probably pulled an all nighter, just like he would back in the lair...I miss the lair so much.**_

_**Donnie hasn't been out of the barn since this occurred two nights ago. I wonder what he's doing in there? He's probably sleeping now, all of that I'm sure took so much out of him.**_

_**He must be totally exhausted, but I don't think any of us would have it any other way. I swear I should just start calling Donatello "King Midus". Everything he puts his hands on turns to gold, there's no problem he can't fix.**_

_**Too bad he probably can't fix how I feel about him...**_

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><p><em><strong>Casey - Family Relics<strong>_

_**As I mentioned before, Casey spent all day yesterday hanging out with Raph, who was mostly still bed-ridden. Mikey had to do all of Casey's chores for him, but Mikey to our amazement actually doesn't mind all the work. Casey's been really bummed about that night. Both of Casey's hockey sticks were destroyed during our fight. Now that might not seem important in the grand scheme to many people, but when to take into account that those sticks were originally his dad's who passed them down to him...then you can understand why they meant so much to him.**_

_**Plus the fact that those sticks were the only things he currently had left to remember his dad with. Now are both gone...he hopes his dad and sister are alright. So do I. I hope everyone in NYC is okay.**_

_**When Donatello comes out of the barn, I plan to ask him if he can find a way to hand make some new hockey sticks for Casey, even if Casey doesn't accept them simply for they wouldn't be the same. But I know Donnie would do it if I ask him. Why would I put it like that? I know Donnie would do it anyway, even if Casey asked him, plus I know it would help Donnie and Casey bond a lot more, being their mutual feelings are a little...sour I'll put it. :(**_

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><p><em><strong>April - The Thing that Bugs Me<strong>_

_**It's good to see everyone is able to fight for each other and we're a complete team again. Now we can really begin to get back to the matter at hand. Leo, Raph, and Mikey are ready to fire under all cylinders, myself also. It's ironically enough my two closest friends Donnie & Casey I'm worried about. I hate to keep bringing this up, but it does bother me.**_

_**The thing that bugs me is Donnie does want to be Casey's friend, and vice versa, and when it doesn't have anything to do with me, they get along great. They're always having fun and messing with each other. It's when they start showing off in front me that their friendship goes south.**_

_**I've tried telling them to act right, but they don't seem to listen or take it seriously enough. So I'm done telling them to behave like they're two children. They're grown boys, they need to figure it out themselves. If they're going to keep acting like a bunch of arrogant show-offs around me, I'm just going to ignore them. Maybe that will help them get the message.**_

_**Casey - I want you to realize that everyone around you right now is your friend, and to stop trying to push the issue on those friendships that you may not be able to get back if you screw them up.**_

_**Donnie - I want you to just be yourself. Don't think you need to act like Jones, that's the one thing that sets you apart from him. Don't do what others want you to do, don't say what others want you to say. Be yourself...**_

_**Until then, Donnie just get your head out of your shell, and Casey get your head out of your butt. Please?**_

_**...Hang in their guys...I'll make a decision soon. :)**_

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><p><em>Until next time, thanks for reading! :)<em>


	3. A Foot Too Big --- Buried Secrets

_The following journal entry takes place between the episodes "A Foot Too Big" and "Buried Secrets". As always, all rights to TMNT goes to their respective owners._

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><p><span><strong><em>April O'Neil: "Journal of our Journey"<em>**

_**I can't believe it...I **__**can't believe what happened today. My mind is being flooded with emotions right now and I still don't know which emotions to process. Something happened today between me and one of the turtles...**_

_**Okay journal...yes. It was him.**_

_**There's still a lot that has happened over the past couple days and there's a lot of stuff that went down to say the least. We encountered some sort of "Bigfoot" creature, something I thought was only a legend. But after realizing that I'm friends with four humanoid turtles, I shouldn't think that things are unheard of anymore, right? There's a lot to talk about, as well as a lot on my plate.**_

_**Don't worry though journal, I'll save "him" for last, because the way I feel right now, I could go all over the place with what I'm about to write. I just hope it doesn't affect how I write about everyone else...**_

_**This is so awkward right now... :/**_

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><p><em><strong>Leonardo - Acting Differently<strong>_

_**For the first time ever, Leonardo is acting like something I never thought I would ever see him act like...a teenager. Leo had been hanging out with Casey a lot more lately, which upon first thought feels like a complete ying and yang of personality. Until I noticed what was really happening, Leo's acting differently around Casey, not like the way he would act around me or any of his brothers. And I can only shake my head.**_

_**Yeah, I've seen many people in my days act different around someone in an attempt to befriend that person; it just feels weird to see Leo be one of those "people". I guess it just shows that none of us are immune to the effects of being a teenager. I guess I need to tell Leo that he shouldn't worry about things and act like himself around Casey too.**_

_**Then again, I see "you know who" act like himself around Casey too, and that doesn't seem to work out a whole lot either...is it a Casey thing?**_

_**Yeah...this is really awkward. :/**_

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><p><em><strong>Raphael - So far, Not so good<strong>_

_**Other than a brief training session with the gang as a whole, Raph and I haven't really been around each other lately. While it doesn't seem like a big deal usually, this time it does worry me, especially after what happend eariler. It almost feels like he's avoiding me.**_

_**I hope it's not the case, I figured I'd give him some space after he was a literally turned into a plant a couple of days back, I had figured he'd not want a whole lot of company, to get his mojo back. Maybe this whole "Bigfoot" thing was just driving him crazy, knowing Raph it wouldn't surprise me either.**_

_**I was kinda hoping this country life away from the city would allow Raph to ease his mind and control his emotions. So far, not so good. He's made it clear from the start he's not going to be able to get used to this life, but it would make me feel a lot better if he at least looked like he'd give an effort though.**_

**_Again, knowing Raph...not likely _****_though._**

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><p><em><strong>Michelangelo - Adjusting<strong>_

_**Unlike Raphael, Michelangelo appears to be adjusting to this country life very well. It surprises me for I would have thought he would have been the most affected by his increased dependency of working and lack of video games and stuff. But he's handled it well so far.**_

_**It's almost like Mikey is becoming a different person...turtle I should say. It's ironic that when it looks like Leo and Raph look like they're taking a step backwards, Mikey takes two steps forward.**_

_**Keep up the great work Mikey. I'm proud of you! :)**_

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><p><em><strong>Casey - What else is new?<strong>_

_**So yeah, Casey didn't handle our "Bigfoot" saga very well...I know, surprising no one right? And here I thought the turtles were going to be the only ones to have to adapt to this rural lifestyle. He hates doing chores...although he does give the "I'm going to train with Leo and Raph." excuse. Whether he is serious or not...whatever. I ended up having to chop wood eariler for the fire tonight. It's supposed to get pretty cold for the next week.**_

_**I know he means well wanting to help the others and all, but he really needs to think about helping everybody as a whole, not just a select group. I wonder if it has to do with what happened also...**_

_**I wonder...**_

_**Gosh I sure hope not...**_

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><p><em><strong>April - "..."<strong>_

_**I really don't know what to even write about myself right now. Nothing at least that wouldn't pertain to "him" or what happened with "him".**_

_**Alright Journal, I guess I've kept you waiting and wondering long enough.**_

_**I guess it's time I talk about what happened with me...and him.**_

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><p><em><strong>Donatello - "Three strikes and you're out!"<strong>_

_**Donatello and I had an...interesting encounter yesterday morning. Remember when I wondered what Donnie was doing cooped up in the barn for the last three days? Yeah, I found out. He had appearently been making some kind of music box for me...for me. I was a little uncomfortable about it too...okay a lot uncomfortable.**_

_**But I could tell Donnie wasn't too sure about his gift to me either, I could see it in his eyes. He tried faking a smile and covering it, but he could feel the awkwardness about this. I didn't handle it well...of course I probably would have if I didn't know Mikey was hiding behind the couch. (Yeah Mikey, I saw you...)**_

_**Something happened to Donnie after this chain of events, but I don't know what it was. It wasn't about what I did, because he was still around me during our "Bigfoot" saga. Something happened afterwards...**_

_**Did the whole Bigfoot thing freak Donnie out about something...Did Raph get to him? Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if Raph said something to him again about all this, Donnie told me about his conversations with Raphael in the past about him and me. Raph has been adamant about wanting his brother to give up on his "meaningless crusade" as Donnie has put it. to me.**_

_**Then this morning...it finally happened. But not in the way I could have ever imagined.**_

_**The words that Donnie spoke to me, could almost be translated to just that. "I give up April."**_

_**WHY DONNIE! I don't want him to give up. I want him to be himself and do what he feels is right. But what he said this morning, he was speaking another...turtle's words.**_

_**So I kissed him...I need to be honest. I like Donatello a lot, and when he finally gains the courage and confidence to truly tell me how he feels and I how I feel back to him, I'm probably going to say "yes". But remember this well Donnie.**_

_**I hate...HATE QUITTERS! Always have and always will. And when I first met you Donnie, you weren't that...not even close. But lately, you've begun to change. I like you too much Donatello, I'm going to make you keep fighting, keep believing. I care about you too much to let you just give up on yourself. So I'm going to give you every opportunity to speak your true feelings. But if I feel for one second that you don't believe in what you're saying or if you're saying it as a "white flag" statement, I'm going to stop you. Believe in yourself Donnie. How can we as a group depend on you to keep fighting when the time comes for our imminent battle with The Kraang to take back the city, if we already know you've given up on yourself? If I have to kiss you a hundred times to get you to keep fighting, I'll kiss you a hundred and one. But you're never going to quit on me. Not in a million years! Not if I have anything to do with it!**_

_**If you quit on me, well I'm afraid you're going to make my decision a whole lot easier. This is twice you've tried and twice I've stopped you. I 'm pretty sure in Baseball it's "Three strikes...and you're out!"**_

_**I'm sorry Donnie but it just has to be this way... :(**_

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><p><em><strong>Well, time to turn in for the night. Tomorrow we're going to take on the impossible task of cleaning up the farmhouse. Can't wait for that boredom to come...<strong>_

_**Until next time...good night journal...and to all of us becoming stronger of mind and soul tomorrow... ...Donnie...**_

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><p><em>Until next time, thanks for reading. :)<em>


	4. Buried Secrets --- The Croaking

_The following entry takes place between the episodes "Buried Secrets" and the upcoming episode "The Croaking". As always, all rights of TMNT go to their respective owners._

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><p><span><em><strong>"April O'Neil: Journal of our Journey"<strong>_

_**It's almost midnight now and I'm still awake. I can't sleep, none of us can. Not after what just happened. I've become completely paranoid.**_

_**For the past hour, all four turtles and Jones have come into my old bedroom to check on me. All asking the same set of questions:**_

_**"Can't sleep April?" "How are ya feeling?" "Do you need any company?"**_

_**I didn't answer any of their questions, I just had my knees up to my chin with my face buried within them, after realizing that I wasn't answering any questions, they chose to give me my privacy. I'm not ready to talk yet, maybe I'll be able to start tomorrow after this all sets in, but right now you're the only thing I feel like giving this information to Journal...**_

_**And believe me...I don't think you're going to believe what I'm about to write...**_

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><p><em><strong>Raphael - I'm Sorry: Part 1<strong>_

_**I usually don't start my entries about each of the turtles with Raphael, but I felt this time I needed to make an exception for two of them, because there are two of them that I need to say this to. And when I wake up in the morning, these two will be the first two I find to talk to to say this.**_

_**Raphael...I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not believing you when you told me my...mother wasn't really my mother. You ran out of the farmhouse, looking scared half to death, trying to tell me the truth and I didn't believe you...and for that I'm sorry Raph. I guess I was just believing what I wanted to believe. I hadn't seen my mother's face in eleven years, and it had felt like forever since I felt the embrace of her hand to mine. And for someone to say to your face that it's all a lie, yeah...it was hard to accept. It was also a wonderful sight to see all of us as a team working together, I usually don't get pinned with you as a team, sometimes I personally choose it that way, but it was great to see that we can make a great team. Makes it always gratifying to know that even when you may not like or understand my personal decesions, that when the chips are down, you're still there by my side. Thanks Raph.**_

_**I can keep writing I'm sorry to you over and over on here, but it won't mean anything until I tell you tomorrow morning.**_

_**And I will Raph...**_

_**I promise. :)**_

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><p><em><strong>Michelangelo - I'm Sorry: Part 2<strong>_

_**Speaking of turtles I need to apoligize to, that brings me to you Michelangelo. I could say "I'm sorry" to you forever more, and it may still never be enough to show how regretful I am. I don't know how you managed to figure it out, let alone to do so quickly...but you did, and I will never be able to forgive myself for my anger towards you.**_

_**For a brief moment, I literally hated you. I wondered how on earth someone as peaceful and loving as yourself could be so inhumane and cruel for what you did to my "mother". I didn't want your help, I didn't want to even see your face...I wished I would never see you again... my god, I'm sorry Mikey...**_

_**I'm sure you'll forgive me...heck knowing you Mikey you'll most likely just tell me something like "Ahh, it's no big deal April." But believe me Michelangelo, it is a big deal. I treated you like a piece of gum on the bottom of my boot, and in your own way, you are like a piece of gum.**_

_**You'll always stick by my side...through the best and worst.**_

_**Good grief Journal, I just made a gum pun. Anything to make me feel better I guess. :D**_

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><p><em><strong>Leonardo - Thank You: Part 1<strong>_

_**About an hour into staying hidden in my bedroom is when the gang started to check on me. Leonardo was the first, just like a true leader. But it was still a little too early after the events, so I wasn't really up to talking. Leo talked to me for about five minutes and then left me be once more. He said about what he told me downstairs in the Kraang's Ship...**_

_**"Never lose hope April. I'm sure your mother is out there somewhere."**_

_**It's funny to me that it's only been a day since I was writing to Donatello about not giving up and not losing hope, and now here I am needing to be reminded so shortly after. There's so much irony in the world.**_

_**Leo, when you reached your hand out to me to trust you, it was the first time in a long time when I could truly believe the words that were being spoken to me. And I'll make sure that I keep fighting for all you guys...I promise.**_

_**Strange, I feel like I just wrote about that to someone else. ;)**_

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><p><em><strong>Casey - Thank You: Part 2<strong>_

_**While it may seem wierd that my two best friends, Casey and Donatello, were the last two to check on me after such traumatic events, I think it just shows how well they know me now. I bet they knew I was in no mood to talk and they would know that I can be a very rude person when I get over disturbed. I don't know why I ever get upset to the magnitude I have in the past. Seriously, I have a temper so short it would make all city New Yorkers proud. Casey being a full born New Yorker has his moments too, so he of all people would know when to not do anything that could light that fuse in me.**_

_**Casey may be a loose cannon, but when the chips are down, he knows what to do, he always knows when to pull back on the reigns of that "Casey Jones" persona. That guy behind the mask...he's a pretty cool guy.**_

_**Thanks Casey. :)**_

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><p><em><strong>Donatello - Thank You: Part 3<strong>_

_**Then there's Donnie.**_

_**He was the last to come in, but was the longest to stay with me. Of course I'm not surprised he stayed longer than the others, but I was surprised that he didn't come right through the door as soon as I entered the house. I guess he allowed everyone to have their time with me before he came in. He didn't say much, but he kept his arm around my shoulder while sitting in the bed the entire time next to me.**_

_**Thanks Donnie...again.**_

_**I knew staying with me was your way of apologizing to me for the way you had to explain what that thing really was, I'm sure it hurt you having to say it almost as bad as me having to hear it. I know you've felt that way in the past also, so I guess you're used to it by now sadly. **_

_**I'll be interested in finding out exactly how much that creature really knew about my mother's memories, and I'm sure you'll find a way to discover them...you always do find a way don't you Donatello? ;)**_

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><p><em><strong>April - Am I Alone?<strong>_

_**It's now morning as of this journal log. We've all just ate breakfast together; yeah, together. Hard to believe right? Before we ate though, I kept my word and first thing I did as soon as I woke up was find Raphael and Michelangelo. I thanked them both seperately and apoligized to each for my lack of belief in them. Mikey said pretty much exactly what I said he would, only except he dropped the word "dudette" on me. First time I ever heard that word before. Chuckled a bit at it to be honest. Raph gave me the expected "No problem April." and kept his typical stone face to hide what he felt. He felt proud of himself, I could sense it.**_

_**Afterwards we all had a big breakfast of pancakes and scrambled eggs. It was great to see everyone together again, of course having to deal with Mikey eating like a wild man, along with Donnie and Casey passing me all my requested condiments trying to one up each other; it's just good to see all my friends as one big "family".**_

_**I appreciate what Michelangelo said last night about everyone around me being my family. And while they the closest thing to family I have left, unfortunetly it's still not the same. I've only known the turtles for not even two years, Casey even less than that. It's just not the same as the ones that were with you the day you spoke your first words, took your first steps, took you to your first day at school...I barely lived any of that with my mother. I thought I was so close to being able to finally live that again...I was wrong. My dad has been gone from me more than he's been with me the last two years, whether it was from abductions, mutations, etc. I miss them both so much...The Turtles and Casey are my new family, but I wish I had my family that helped me grow up and help me become the person I am today.**_

_**I miss you Mom...Dad...please come back to me... :(**_

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><p><em>Until next time, thanks for reading everyone! :)<em>


	5. The Croaking --- In Dreams

_The following entry takes pace between the episodes The Croaking and In Dreams. As always, TMNT does not belong to me and all right go to their respective owners._

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><p><span><strong><em>April O'Neil - "Journal of our Journey"<em>**

**_Today marks four months since we've arrived at the farmhouse, mentally it feels like four years. Physically though, we're still getting stronger as a team. Sure, we've had some major bumps in the road internally, but we worked through them so far. The last couple days have been...interesting to say the least._**

**_Our long and winding road continues._**

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><p><strong><em>Leonardo - Recovering<em>**

**_Leonardo has been off the crutches for three days now, and although he told us that he felt something twinge in his knee during our latest battle in the woods, he's able to move around unassisted._**

**_Thank goodness._**

**_The physical battle is over with Leo now, Donnie has said in a couple more days all of Leo's nagging injuries from what occurred back in the city will finally be fully healed. This now allows Leo and the rest of us to focus on him heal to mentally and spiritually. His journey will be difficult, I know it will. Leo has told me about night's where he still wakes up in a cold sweat, reliving that moment in his dreams along with other pain inducing nightmares. It makes me feel helpless knowing that Leo himself feels that way, I just don't know how to help him. All I can do is continue in moral support. _**

**_This is a journey that we won't be able to fight along side him though, only to help and guide him through._**

**_I just hope that will be enough..._**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Raphael - No Title...<em>**

**_Raphael has been doing a lot of apologizing lately...as he should be. He was a complete jerk to Michelangelo, as everyone has told him since our return. Even Casey has made his stance known about Raph's mishandling of his brother's feelings. Sometimes I just fear he's never going to learn from any of his past mistakes. He's lived this life for too long, it's obviously not easy to just snap a finger and be a different person. But, at the same time, it can't be hard not be a jerk to someone. I wish I could have slapped him when he said what was said to poor Mikey. It just makes me so upset..._**

**_I better stop talking about him before I say something I truly regret._**

**_Come on Raph... :(_**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Donatello - A Day in the Norm<em>**

**_Donnie has been working his shell off the last three days, so basically...yeah, just another typical day in Donnie's mind. He's gone all out to try and fix the damage to the farmhouse that our little Frog Invasion caused. Donnie worked dawn til dusk to take apart the damaged wall panels on the second level of the house that couldn't be salvaged, then had to rebrick the interior in order to remake new panels on the outside and inside before the cold weather hit again. Donnie didn't want any help for he stated it was "too dangerous and hazardous for additional bodies to assist."._**

**_...Yeah Donnie, not like we haven't been protecting the entire city of New York over the past year have we? Too dangerous my butt. :P_**

**_I can understand his reasoning, he didn't want to risk any miscalculation possibly taking down the remainder of the house. The house is very old and it's better days are long gone, he knew he needed to be very careful with it. So he told everyone not to fret and that he would get it all taken care of._**

**_He did it! And even before that, Donnie went through with what I asked him about making Casey some new hockey sticks. He didn't even hesitate about doing so, he was more than happy to do it. He got everything in detail, all the way down to the "Eastman" logos. They look as authentic as Casey's originals._**

**_Donnie after all that work said he wanted to "rest his eyes" upstairs. He's been "resting his eyes" for five hours now... The gang has "agreed" Donatello to get as much rest as possible, much to Mikey and Raph's displeasure, I'm sure they feel like waking him up just to annoy him. But they can wait. Donnie's worked himself to death since we've been here, asking for nothing in return...well, maybe not "nothing"._**

**_Rest well Donnie, you've deserved it. ;)_**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Casey - Sight for Sore Eyes<em>**

**_I can't lie, when Donatello gave Casey the sticks he handmade for him, I don't think I had ever seen Casey as happy as I saw him that moment. He actually hugged Donnie for a brief moment, something I never thought I'd see in a million years between the two of them. Casey's not one to wear his emotions on his sleeve, he usually stays a constant demeanor. So it's a joy to see him bring out a little exuberance for a change._**

**_Giving the trying times of the situation, Casey has without a doubt made the best of all of this. He's started to grow in his friendships with everyone. Yeah, even Donnie. It was once in a blue moon that he would chat with Leonardo or Michelangelo about anything, now he doesn't waste a second to hang out with them. His friendship with Raph continues in it's own unique, macho way. And his "friendship" with Donnie...it's almost like they're just trying to play a couple of characters in front of me; they banter constantly, but it often ends with a back and forth series of nuggies and headlocks. They're all getting along much better._**

**_What a sight for sore eyes. :)_**

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><p><strong><em>Michelangelo - Never Run Away<em>**

**_Well journal, while you might think that I am very happy for Michelangelo that he showed his brothers the error of their demeanor towards him..._**

**_I'm really not..._**

**_I'm very disappointed in you Michelangelo. *_**_Look at me using a full name in a scolding, I feel like a mother to her child_**_*_**

**_You should have known better than to run away, you should never run away from your problems with someone or something, you should confront them. Heck, that's what we do every time we try to fight for good, confront the forces of evil. This situation was no different, and you should have known that. I know you feel your brothers don't treat you right, and a lot of the times you are right, but again...you can't run away from those problems, that doesn't solve anything. All it does is make all of us even more unhappy._**

**_You just have to keep proving your brothers wrong...Trust me, you do it a lot more than you may think. ;)_**

* * *

><p><strong><em>April - Am I Alone?: Part II<em>**

**_All these encounters with these different forms of life has really put my own life in perspective. Over the past year after learning about what...who I really am, I've often wondered if I truly belong here or if my whole purpose of existence was just to ultimately bring the end of my people, whether that be humans or whatever else I learn about myself..._**

**_But seeing these different forms of life before me really opens my eyes about how we can all really live as one._**

**_Yeah, maybe my relationship with the turtles may have started this, but seeing these clan of frogs act and react the same way as humans would about the threatening of their world, set off the light in my head. That we all belong here, no matter how different we look._**

**_Yeah, I know. Donnie has been telling me this for some time with our..."feelings" for another, but sometimes you just need to see the view from the other side of the mountain sort to speak before you really know for sure. Now I really know for sure._**

**_Of course I belong here, we all do._**

**_Well it's time to turn in for the night, I've spent nearly an hour putting my thoughts together here and now it's time to recharge the body, mind, and spirit._**

**_Sweet dreams everyone._**


	6. In Dreams --- Race With the Demon

_The following journal entry takes place in between the episodes "In Dreams" and "Race With the Demon". As always, all rights of TMNT go to their respective owners._

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><p><strong><em><span>"April O'Neil: Journal of Our Journey"<span>_**

_**Hey journal, it's me again. Yeah, I know. It's only been a day since my last entry, but...the craziest...scariest thing happened today. Something that I don't think I can keep bottled up in me, I've tried to do that with a lot of things, but lately it has become much more difficult to do so. This is almost too crazy to believe...okay I say that a lot, and with my life, nothing is "too crazy". But this is definitely up there.**_

_**We just experienced Dream Beavers...**_

_**Yeah...it's a long story...**_

_**So kick back figuratively journal. This is going to be very, very weird.**_

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><p><em><strong>Casey - With a Little Help From My Friend<strong>_

_**It's not often I start these entries with Casey, but there really is no where else to start for he was the only one I was with when all of this crazy mumbo-jumbo started. The both of us met this crazy old kook named Bernie, I can't lie, he freaked me out. And with every thing I've gone through that's saying a lot. I think it's to the point now where I don't think I'll ever see a regular, normal person again. He claimed a bunch stories about his past, and Casey went to confront him while I tried to help the turtles; based on what Casey told me, he "had fun" in his mind which usually means I don't want to know what has happened. Casey in the time that I've known him hasn't shown a lot of instances where he looked worried or nervous about anything, but this whole dilemma with the guys has certainly left him shaken. He hasn't said a whole lot since all this...then again, now that I write this...I hope this isn't because I kissed Donnie in front of him...**_

_**Oh please don't let that be the reason...**_

_**After the way he handled himself in helping the guys, I hope he didn't let that little peck on Donnie's cheek dull him out. It would be a shame to waste such a brave effort to save the turtles because of being jealous of something so child like...**_

_**Then again...knowing Casey... :/**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Leonardo - Rising Above<strong>_

_**As I kind of hinted at, these "Dream Beavers" had some very unique abilities to capture souls while sleeping. While the turtles mentioned that they suffered through tremendous nightmares during this, some said far more about what happened than the others. Leonardo as you might expect was the most vocal of his experience. Most likely to help us and himself grow and heal about the problems we face. Just as a true leader should. Listening to what he went through helps me put into perspective everything that Leo went through while he was unresponsive to us for the first several months we were here at the farmhouse. The games his mind played on him, making him think that he was alright when he was really far from it.**_

_**I hope I don't ever have to experience anything like this. But I know heaven forbid if this did occur, I could nearly bet that Leonardo will be by my side to help me.**_

_**It shows the strength and evolution of Leo to be so open about what he endured during his deep trance of sleep. Which tells me that when we are finally ready to go back to New York, I know we will be stronger than ever...**_

_**Because our leader is stronger than ever.**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Raphael - Messed Up Head you have Raph...<strong>_

_**Raphael wouldn't go into great detail about what his nightmare was, but the little bit that he did talk about was very strange. Something about snakes, and bass guitars, and...**_

_**...What the heck was Raph talking about?**_

_**Sometimes I wonder if it's a good thing that Raph keeps a lot of these things to himself, upon brief glimpses, he sure does have a messed up head. No wonder he and Casey like each other so much. I guess Donnie was right all those many moons ago. They really are two Raphaels.**_

_**It's a good thing he's on our side, I can't imagine to think what it would be like if he wasn't. :)**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Michelangelo - The Funny Side in Everything<strong>_

_**Being the youngest, you would think that Michelangelo would have had his share of nightmares in his day, and you would expect him to be frightened and afraid to talk about it when it was over...**_

_**Just like Mikey, it's completely the opposite.**_

_**Michelangelo was more than happy to talk about his nightmare...or as Mikey called it, his "Delightmare". Yep, only Mikey... :)**_

_**And after while he was just babbling on and on...uh, it's hard to even recall everything he mentioned. Most of it was something about someone named Dave.**_

_**Yeah, I basically turned into Mikey myself and toned out a lot of his chat. It obviously wasn't anything that he needed consoling over, so at the time I felt it was more important to tend to the one who did...but I'll get to that in a bit.**_

_**Hard to believe for even something like deligh...nightmares that Michelangelo is still the same old goofy turtle after such a traumatic event. Completely unphased, continues like nothing ever happened. In a way, it is a very powerful advantage and a must for a ninja to not let your emotions affect you. Kinda surprising for being the baby of the family. Not baby literally though...**_

_**Don't tell Mikey I said that, okay Journal? ;)**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Donatello - Please Talk to Me...<strong>_

_**As much as I've tried, as much as we all have...Donnie won't talk about what happened to him during his nightmarish state of sleep. I feel really bad for him, he went to sleep after finishing fixing the farmhouse from the Frog Invasion, so lord knows how much longer Donnie suffered through all this than the others, which would for certain explain his far weaker state than the others when we found them. Even though based on what I have learned from what all the other's dreams were, which weren't to the point of a complete state of silence, ...he just won't talk to me about it. In a weird way, I think Donatello has gathered the realization that I did in fact find a way to tap into his mind, managing to find his slumbering spirit, maybe in a way he feels invaded. Maybe he thinks I learned something he doesn't want me to know. Even if I had, he would never admit it to be the truth, he'll bury his head in the sand or his shell before confessing, Donnie's definitely stubborn...just...just like me...**_

_**I know you feel terrible Donnie, but you have no idea how I feel either.**_

_**Donnie...you stopped breathing...you died in my hands. I'd never so scared in my life. Over anything...even with everything that has happened in my life, seeing my best friend basically die in my hands was the most frightening moment in my life.**_

_**I know he's scared, I can sense it. I don't think he's recovered from what we left behind in New York, but time is running out. His brothers are on their road to recovery and Donnie is struggling to find his...but we can't help someone who doesn't reach out for help.**_

_**Please Donnie...talk to me... :(**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>April - Thanks Guys!<strong>_

_**While there are times where I don't feel as useful to the turtles as they say, it is times like these where they're proven to be right all along. Thanks to Casey, we managed to save the lives of our friends, the same friends who have gone life and limb to do the same for us. But the thing that makes it even more gratifying, is that they weren't surprised by what we did, they expected it of us. To me it is a testament to how far myself and Casey have come to not only our training with the guys, but also the friendship and trust we have gained from them.**_

_**Casey and I both know that we'll never have better friends then the four of them, which makes it kinda sad knowing we could never reveal to the world what great people the turtles are. Yes...they're people in my book.**_

_**But above all, more importantly...they're my friends.**_


	7. Race w The Demon -- Eyes of The Chimera

_The following journal entry takes place in between the episodes "Race with The Demon" and "Eyes of The Chimera". This one is a bit different from the others for it is only set for Donatello, dealing with how he is coping with the aftermath of the "Speed Demon" episode. Warning: There is one naughty word in this chapter, don't use naughty words kids. They're bad, but you may understand why April uses it. As always, TMNT does not belong to me, and all rights go to their respective owners._

* * *

><p><span><em><strong>"April O'Neil: Journal of our Journey"<strong>_

_**Hey journal, it's me...and...**_

_**...**_

_**You'll have to try and bare with me. I'm starting to swell with deep emotion right now, and I feel like I'm going to break down any second, so I'm going to try and get my feelings on paper before it's too late. I hope the other guys forgive me this time, but I need to talk about one person this time around; I'm sure they'll understand. **_

_**I need to talk about Donatello, my good friend...quite possibly my best friend on the planet. A person who I for certain owe my life to on a number of occasions. You may remember in my last entry that I talked about my friend in a very down way, that I feared we as a family were beginning to lose him...it's gotten worse. Much worse. I've spent the better part of an hour peering into the living room from the dining room table where I'm writing this. He's in the same spot he's been in since we returned home, sitting on the couch with the only light in the room coming from the cheery red glow of the fireplace behind him. It's just bright enough that I can see him, he's still not moved. He's remained hunched over staring at whatever debris is on the floor by his feet. It's nearly midnight now, everyone else has turned in for the night. The only ones still awake are Donnie and myself. You may be wondering what happened to him. Well, to be honest, I don't really know or understand what happened myself; I can only tell you based on what the others knew. Again, bare with me journal, I'll try to explain as best I can.**_

_**From what I was told by Casey, Donnie was controlled body, mind, and spirit by a mutant unlike anything we have ever encountered before, a mutant that Donnie and Casey worked together to try and stop. Our friend had lost all form of sanity until Casey managed to free him from this mutant's control and helped destroy it. And while at first Donnie looked to be happy that his friendship with Casey had risen to new heights...the trip back to the farmhouse was an awkward one at that. Donatello didn't say a word, as did no one else. Probably afraid to say the wrong thing, as I was or anyone for that matter. When we got back to the farm, Donnie quietly went inside and sat on the couch, and stayed there throughout the night, not wanting to talk or be bothered with. I don't understand what happened, he was so happy before.**_

_**Raphael actually explained it to me what the problem is, and I believe I understood what he was trying to explain. He asked me if I ever watched boxing before, which of course I hadn't. But told me that fighters deal with something called an adrenaline rush, which I did know about and heard of it's effects. Basically when your adrenaline is in full flow, you don't feel any pain, you just thrive to keep going to the limit, but once that adrenaline goes away, you realize how much pain your in. That works mentally as much, if not more than it effects you physically, perhaps once that adrenaline faded, Donnie just crashed...He looks awful. He sat on the couch, burying his face in his hands, and that's where he's stayed, that's where he still is. Everyone but me has tried to talk to him, nothing has changed. I'm afraid to even try at this point...I...I'm afraid we're losing him.**_

_**And...Damn. I can't lie, I'm crying now as I'm writing this. I just can't hold it in anymore. Writing this is much harder than I believed it would be. It just kills me seeing Donnie bordering on a state of depression. It's sad to me now, I never took depression seriously growing up, I never thought it was a big deal. I never treated it as something that could control your life...I was wrong. I now see my best friend going through this awful state, and it's terrible...and horrible...and I...I hate it! After everything he has done to help me through these past two years...he doesn't deserve this! Donnie is the kindest and sweetest soul I know, and all he gets for his caring for us is nothing but pain and suffering. And with each passing day, it just gets worse and worse. **_

_**Donnie still pits a majority of the blame of the Kraang Invasion on himself, even though we all know that isn't true. He blames himself for causing us to get separated from Leo back in the city and left him alone to be assaulted by The Shredder and his goons, even when Leo has constantly reminded him that he's also the reason we managed to escape the city in one piece. Donnie...he needs help.**_

_**Forgive me journal, I need to go now. Sorry I'm bailing so sudden, but I have to talk to him. Everyone else has. Leo did, Raph did, Casey did, even Mikey did, granted it had something to do with asking if Donnie wanted some of Mikey's Pepperoni, Peanut Butter, Pineapple Pizza...yuck! But the point is he still tried. Everyone tried. And I need to as well!**_

_**Forgive me, but Donnie needs talking to more than you do journal, hope you understand...**_

_**wish me luck...**_


End file.
